In this episode, Michelle dives into the underestimated art of saying thank you — not out of obligation, but as a strategic way to build, strengthen, and maintain real relationships.
When was the last time a thank you message actually made someone remember you? In this episode, Michelle dives into the underestimated art of saying thank you — not out of obligation, but as a strategic way to build, strengthen, and maintain real relationships. She breaks down how a thoughtful, specific thank you can cut through the noise, reconnect with old contacts, and avoid the trap of small talk. Whether you’re trying to stand out or simply stay connected, “stop, drop, and thank you” might just become your new favourite mantra.
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Check out the full episode at TheMichelleWarner.com
Michelle Warner on Web | Networking That Pays | Free Workshop
Sequence Over Startegy Curated Playlists
Hi, I'm Michelle Warner, and I'm a business designer and strategist. In the 15 years that I've done this work, I have noticed the same trend everywhere. Business owners are falling into the trap of centering strategies first, when they need to be centering sequence.
Because the reality is, the steps you take in your business and the order in which you take them is more important than how well you implement any single strategy. On this show, my goal is to fix that by helping you find and trust your own sequence of actions rather than blindly following someone else's strategy. Welcome to Sequence Over Strategy.
Before we get into today's episode, I want to give you a heads up. I'm going to be taking a June and July pause from this podcast. So this is the last episode that you're going to see in your feeds until August.
I've been cooking up some goodies behind the scenes, and I'm going to be taking the next few months to integrate those into both the business and this show. I absolutely love building this show, and I think of it as a reference library for all of you. So it's not going anywhere.
I'm just going to take a break so I can come back better than ever for all of you in August. But in the meantime, I have not left you hanging. I have built playlists for you.
So if you want to spend your summer brushing up on relationship marketing, or how to specifically connect with people, or sustainable business design, which are three of the topics we touch on the most often here, I have built custom playlists that curate all the episodes under those topics. And you can find those by going to my podcast homepage at themichellewarner.com backslash podcast. When you get to that page, scroll below the current episode, and you will see three embedded Spotify playlists ready to keep you learning all this summer.
And if we're not already connected elsewhere, please come say hello while you're over there at themichellewarner.com. Hop on my email list so we can stay in touch and I can notify you when we are back in August. All right, let's get into the show now.
The Power of a Simple Thank You
And the show today is going to be all about how to thank people. And it's not just about the importance of thanking people and some weird, you know, oh, you should send thank you notes. No, this is all about how to effectively connect with people and how well thanking people can fit into that.
We've talked about the importance of asking on this show. We've talked about using because statements. We've talked about those within the context of helping you connect and build relationships.
Well, thank yous fall into that same category. And I actually find them to be one of the simplest ways to connect. In fact, I always say, stop, drop and thank you.
This is just a mantra that I follow in my own head. When I'm thinking of someone, I'm always taking a minute to say, I need to thank them. So if a memory flashes by, if anything happens, I've trained myself to think, stop, drop and thank you.
When that happens, I'm going to take the 30 seconds it takes and I'm going to reach out to people and thank them. Let's talk about why. Why are thank yous as effective they are?
Well, in a void, this goal, when we talk about the importance of building and strengthening and maintaining relationships, in a void where you only have that statement, that's really intimidating. You're like, okay, great, Michelle, I believe you. We should definitely build, strengthen and maintain relationships.
But how am I supposed to do that? There's no system for it. When you're just told to kind of naturally talk to people or something in order to do that, even though it's kind of one of the most human things to do, it's also this giant black hole and it's very intimidating.
Because what exactly does it mean to talk to people? What is the structure? That might sound like a silly question to ask, but if any of you like me have ever sat in front of your computer, ready to reach out to somebody and thought, what in the world am I supposed to say?
I want to connect with them, but we've already talked a few times. How in the world am I supposed to stay connected to these people? We all end up having that realization because we know that if we don't have an actual purpose in reaching out, we're going to get stuck in some cycle of small talk and nobody wants to be stuck in that world.
But also no one really tells us what to do. Nobody tells us how to stay connected to people. Well, in this episode, I'm going to tell you what to do.
Because there are some very basic outreach techniques that help you to do this job of building, strengthening, and maintaining relationships. And like I've already said, we have already covered two of those techniques on previous episodes. And one of those is using a because statement.
Because statements just give you a reason to reach out to people when you say, I'm reaching out because. That just immediately puts you into a different orbit than just plain small talk. You have a reason.
However vague that reason is, when you put it behind a because statement, you now have a reason to reach out to people and people will respond. It feels relationship building. So again, when we're sitting in a black hole of having no idea what to do, if you know that you can rely on a because statement, that's a really great way to do it.
We also have talked about the importance of asking, which again might feel a little intimidating. Like, oh my gosh, you want me to ask for something? But it's really not.
Because when we're talking about asking, if you listen to that episode, we're talking about finding small things to ask for. Small things that build relationships. We're not talking about this big, big, big thing that you need to do.
Using Thank Yous to Build, Strengthen and Reconnect
And then I want to add this third technique that I love and that fits so naturally into this category, which is the thank you. And again, because, like the because statements, and like the ask, there are so many ways to do it compared to what we usually think about. It doesn't have to be this big formal moment, right?
And it can also be helpful at all of those stages we talked about. It can be helpful when you are trying to build a relationship. It's helpful when you're trying to strengthen that relationship.
And it is helpful when you are trying to maintain a relationship. So let's talk about some of my favorite ways to thank people, to stop, drop, and thank you at these different stages. When you are building a relationship, okay?
So when you first need to reach out to someone, or when a relationship is new, how can a thank you help you in those situations? Well, this is where we want you to stick out like a sore thumb in a good way. I always use that saying because it makes so much sense to me.
I hope it makes sense to you. But in this world where people, frankly, aren't putting a lot of effort into their outreach, if you put a little bit of effort into how you are trying to meet someone, it can have a lot of impact, and you can stick out compared to everybody else who might be reaching out to that person. So say you want to reach out to someone who has a public platform, and you're thinking, oh my gosh, they get so many comments, so many people are saying things.
How can I possibly stand out? Why would they possibly want to be connected with me? Well, the answer is, if you reach out in such a way that makes you be noticed compared to everybody else who is reaching out.
How is everybody else reaching out? In some generic way, because they haven't listened to this episode. They haven't listened to all the other episodes on how to connect with people.
So they're reaching out in some sort of generic way, saying the equivalent of, you know, gosh, thank you. I needed to hear that today. Thanks so much for writing this.
That's not memorable to whoever they are reaching out to. That person's just going to say, okay, thanks. Great.
And they're going to move on. They're not going to remember those generic statements. But if you reach out with a thank you, and you're specific about that thank you, which we always talk about, right?
So if you want to meet somebody, and that person is doing something publicly, you can reach out and you can thank them for the work that they're doing. And again, this does not have to be, you know, the thank you letter that your mother forced you to sit down and write over the holidays to all of your relatives that you barely knew. This doesn't have to be some big, formal, awkward thing.
But you can reach out and say, thank you. I saw you write about this thing, or I saw you talking about, I saw you sharing whatever you saw, right? And it made me think about this.
And you just share a perspective that it brought up for you. You share an aha that you had. You don't have to share that you went and implemented something for months and had this phenomenal result.
Like we don't have time for that. You can just share something that gave you pause about what they said, made you think differently, gave you a new perspective, gave you a fresh idea for a project that you're working on. And you can say, thank you for that.
Thank you for publishing this article. It made me think about something in a different way. And this is what I did because of that.
And when you thank someone in that way, you are showing them that you heard their words. You process those words and you went and did something about it. And anybody who is publishing anywhere on any kind of public platform is gonna respond incredibly well to that.
It is going to stand out. Because I promise you, as somebody who publishes things and gets a lot of feedback from people, most of it is generic, like 99% of it is generic. People will just reach out and say, I wanna connect with you or thank you or I needed to hear that today.
And that all becomes this buzz. It all looks the same. But when you take two seconds to say, thank you, I actually read this, right?
I actually thought of it. It actually gave me an aha. It is actually going to move my business forward or it's gonna actually move forward whatever problem I'm trying to solve for myself.
That has a lot of impact. We get excited. We don't share this stuff publicly just for people to do nothing with the information.
We want to help. And so when you are acknowledging that help happened, the person is probably going to respond in a really positive way that allows you to start a relationship, right? It's just a starting point.
I'm not saying that you are now connected till the end of time and you're besties. I am just saying that if you are trying to figure out how to get in touch with someone for the first time, especially if they are somebody who does anything publicly, shares any ideas publicly, thanking them is a really great way to do that because nobody else thinks them well. And so when you thank them well, they're gonna notice it.
And you are gonna have a chance to start a relationship. Again, this is just the start, right? Like there's other work to be done and we'll talk about how to do that to actually build and strengthen that relationship.
But that first connection can come out of a thank you. So if you are thinking about how can I possibly meet someone? Always consider, stop, drop, and thank you.
Is there something that they have done in the past that had an impact on you? Can you go read something of theirs and share with them how that had an impact and what it may have caused them to think differently about? Fantastic way to use the thank you.
Now, if you want to strengthen a relationship, right? Or I would also say, if you want to reconnect, this is one of the most common questions I get where folks say, hey, I really need to reconnect with people in my network. I have let it slide for a couple of years, haven't talked to them in a while.
I need to figure out how to reconnect with them. Well, this is one of my favorite ways to use the stop, drop, and thank you. Because in this case, what we tend to do is reach out and say, hi, haven't talked to you in a while, would love to catch up.
Do you know how exhausting of a message that is to receive from the other end? We are all relatively overwhelmed, right? Nobody is really looking necessarily to get on a bunch of phone calls or to reconnect or to even start a conversation where you have no idea where it's going.
I know that if I get an outreach like that that says, hey, would love to catch up, I just think, oh gosh, this is gonna take a lot of energy to try to figure out where this is going and to almost help this person along with the conversation, right? And so that's not how you want to reconnect with someone. You don't want to reconnect in a way that is going to cause them to feel like this might be a burden on them to reconnect with the relationship.
Instead, I want you to think back to the relationship that you had. Even if it was five, 10 years ago, there was something that happened in that relationship that is making you want to reconnect right now. There was either a shared project that you were working on, you were colleagues of some kind, you shared some sort of experience together, right?
And if you can find a way to, again, relate that experience to right now and thank them for it, what a great way to reconnect. And this is a really casual reconnection. So let me give you an example.
This can even be a funny memory that you all shared. I'll give you a hypothetical example. If I was trying to reconnect with a colleague that I had last encountered five or 10 years ago, I would be thinking about, hey, what was a project that we worked on that went really great and that we figured some stuff out in?
Or I would be thinking, like, what was a trip we were on where we laughed a lot, where we were on some random business trip where something funny happened or we just had one of those shared experiences that you tend to have when you're on these things? Or were we ever working on a project together? And I would think through, in the first scenario, right, or the third scenario there, if we had worked on a project together, if we had been colleagues and we had done some things that had some impact, I would be thinking about those things that had happened and what is relevant today.
What are you still holding on to today from those projects that you worked on together? And I would just reach out and I would say, hey, so-and-so, I can't believe it's been this long, right? I would acknowledge how long it's been.
I cannot believe how long it has been since we connected, but I was just working on a client project and as I was working on it, I remembered this other project we had worked on and that aha that we had and I realized that I'm still applying that 10 years later. And so I just wanted to reach out and say hello and thank you for that moment that we shared so long ago because wow, it's still in my business and it's still something that I use. And that's a really wonderful way to casually reconnect with someone through a casual thank you, right?
We're not writing a formal thank you letter, you know, dear so-and-so, thank you for the things you taught me 10 years ago and, you know, rattling all those off. You're touching back to a shared experience and you're saying, gosh, you know, as I'm working today, I am still remembering that experience because it had impact on me. So I just want to thank you for that and I hope you're well.
And then done, end of message because you can continue to build on that relationship once the person responds. But that's a really low-stress, delightful way to be reconnected with someone. If I receive a note like that, I'm just excited.
I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, it's so wonderful to hear from this person. Low stakes, I can just reply in a really friendly way and now we're reconnected. And then you, as the person who's trying to reconnect with them, can worry about the next steps later, right?
That's where we get into some of our other strategies. But you have at least successfully reconnected, which can be a huge burden. If you don't have some of these strategies, if you don't know how to stop, drop, and thank you, you may never figure out even how to reconnect.
So that's one of my favorite ways. The other way you can do this is if you shared a funny story, right? Or if you had a really random experience.
I know I'm sitting here laughing, thinking about coworkers I've been on some, you know, interesting business trips with where some crazy stuff happened with clients. And you can just reach out to someone and say, again, oh my gosh, it's been so long. I can't believe it's been this long since we've chatted.
But I was just thinking about this wild trip that we took. You know, do you remember that? And, you know, kind of thank them for being there and just say, thanks for the laugh today.
I haven't thought of that moment in so long. And it just made me laugh today. And that was a really fun moment.
So an extraordinarily casual thank you there, right? But again, it's giving you that opportunity to reach out with a reason, with a reason, showing them you were thinking of them today. And it was such a pleasant memory or a funny memory that, you know, you just had to reach out and reconnect.
What a great way to reconnect with people through kind of that stop, drop, and thank you. And this is the same way that you can maintain relationships, right? So we talked about, you know, you can do an initial build of a relationship by thanking someone with some of that outreach.
If you're trying to strengthen or you're trying to reconnect, you can do some because statement reach out where you're saying, hey, because I was thinking of this, I wanted to reach out and thank you because we have this shared experience that is still sticking with me today. And you can do this when you're maintaining relationships as well. So once somebody is in your network and you're just trying to maintain their relationship, this can be some of the most intimidating stuff you do because this is where you're kind of staring down the black hole of small talk because you're thinking, how do I stay in touch with them?
What am I supposed to say? Well, this is where true stop, drop, and thank you comes in and where I came up with this name is that I have trained my brain because I know who my network is, right? It's a limited number of people that I'm trying to stay in touch with and prioritizing.
I have really trained my brain that when somebody crosses my mind, I will literally stop, drop, and thank them. And I talk about walking my dog all the time because it's just something that takes a lot of time in my life. And a lot of times when we're moving, memories float through, right?
You think of people, you think of moments, you know, you're walking around for an hour, you're kind of bored, your brain starts filling and oftentimes you'll remember moments with these people or a memory will flash back or an aha will flash through your mind, whatever it is. And in those moments when that happens and it's associated with somebody in my network, I quite literally either send myself a text or send myself a voice memo to remind myself that when I get home, I'm gonna shoot that person a text really quickly. And that's kind of showing my age.
I can't do it on the fly while I'm walking the dog. I'm not gonna lie. It'd be way more efficient if I could.
Please do so if you can. I have to kind of make myself a note to follow up when I get home. But it's still not a huge burden, right?
It takes 30 seconds once I get home to say, oh my gosh, I was just walking the dog and I thought of this and I just had to reach out and thank you for that moment because it wasn't that funny or wasn't that a funny shared experience. And done, like now you've reached out with this shared moment or a shared aha that you've had and you've thanked them for that. And that's a really, really sticky thing to do.
And when I say it's a sticky thing to do, I mean that it lasts for a while, right? It's a specific outreach that has a specific reason of why you're reaching out to them from the shared experience. And so when you do that, that is going to stick with them longer and it's gonna maintain the relationship longer.
Meaning you don't have to reach out again the next week. And that's one of the other benefits of doing like this stop, drop and thank you and keeping in mind your because statements and keeping in mind your specificity is the more specific you are, the better reason you have to reach out with people, the communication sticks with them longer. So if you're just talking to them about the weather, they're gonna remember that for like one day, which means you do have this burden of having to figure out a reason to talk to them like every week.
But if you figure out how to do this stop, drop and thank you and acknowledge people when they cross your mind, it is such a different type of outreach and it sticks with people so much longer. You might not have to talk to them again for another quarter or another six months. But you're still connected in such a way that if at that point you need a favor, you can reach out and it's not a big deal.
So that's one of the huge benefits of understanding how to stop, drop and thank you and putting these tools into your toolbox as they give you specific reasons to reach out. At which point again, it is so much easier to solidify and strengthen that relationship in a way that small talk never will, right? And so not only do we not wanna be caught up in loops of small talk, it doesn't go anywhere.
It doesn't work. You wanna take it to the specific realm cause that's what actually deepens a relationship. And this is what helps you again, stick out like a sore thumb in a good way.
There is so much generic relationship building going on all day, every day around the realms that when you take two seconds to put in one of these little tricks and do some stop, drop and thank you, you're gonna stick out like a sore thumb in a great way. And so you're gonna be even stickier by the basis of putting in 30 seconds of effort that nobody else in the world wants to put in. So not only is your specific strategy stickier than small talk, but because everybody else in the world is going to opt for the small talk, you're gonna get a double benefit in that your stuff is gonna stick out so much more because everything else is so generic.
So give yourself this advantage, right? Get into a habit of stop, dropping and thank you or even just remember this when you're trying to reach out to someone and you kind of panic and think about the small talk, think instead, how could I just drop into their inbox or their texts or however you communicate with them with a quick thank you, even if it is for something that's not all that serious, just thanking them for a shared experience, it really goes a long way. So bottom line, when we're looking at the tools to connect with people, we're looking at how to build and strengthen and maintain relationships.
We've already talked about, specificity and using those because statements. We've talked about the importance of asking, but I wanted to make a complete own episode out of just the art of thanking people because it seems so simple and yet it is so freaking powerful in terms of what it can do to really strengthen your relationships. So my friends, my invitation to you for this summer as we go into a little pause with the show is to remember to stop, drop and thank you when you have the opportunity to do so.
And as always, thank you for being here today. If this episode helped you or if you have someone you know who is struggling with their outreach, I would be so grateful if you would share it with them so that they too can learn how to stop, drop and thank you. And with that, I will say goodbye for now.
I will see you in August. I already can't wait. And remember, head to themichellewarner.com backslash podcast, scroll past the current episode that'll be right at the top. And below that, you will see three curated playlists I have put together just for you so that you can stay focused on your best outreach, your best relationship marketing, your best business design during this pause. I will see you soon, my friends.